If you know me in real life, you know that I have been a “pothead” for more than a decade. I’ve written about my drug story and how I was addicted to xanex and don’t remember a huge chunk of my life at the wee age of only 15. Read that story here: SUFFOCATING IN SEX, XANEX AND AN ALCOHOLIC FATHER What is funny is that the past 14 years of my life, I NEVER went more than a couple days without smoking pot. Yes, I believe in its ability to help with creativity, physical pain and opening the crown chakra. But without asking for protection, I think it can take people to a very unhealthy place; like anxiety, paranoia, and nervousness.
I noticed about 2 years ago that I couldn’t get excited for a workout unless I took a hit before I got outside. That just didn’t fly for me. Getting outside to run, bike or do yoga is ALWAYS the highlight of my day. So I quit doing it during the day. This was about the same time I kicked my adderal habit. Mostly because my brother died of taking a prescription pill that we found out he was allergic to. (FUCK PRESCRIPTION PILLS URGGG)
Since then, I have dabbled a bit during the day but mostly only took a hit at night. (vampire smoking) Sometimes I would lay there at night, reflecting on how amazing my day was. Then I would take a hit and instantly get stuck in this downward spiral of fear, negativity and hatred. I would wake up feeling confused, tired and not at all excited for the day. I am firm believer that you wake up in the state that you fell asleep in. I knew it was the weed. But it was a clutch, I just continued to do it. Who else has a habit like this? It’s like I kept telling myself, when you are ready, you will quit.
It wasn’t until I made one of the biggest decisions of my life that I was finally able to kick this unproductive habit. When I decided to close my studio, travel the world and go fully online, I knew it was time to make some lifestyle changes. I knew I couldn’t be smoking weed in foreign countries with strangers. I needed to show up 100% to what I believe in. I knew I needed to break the ancestral patterns that my family had set me up with. I had to uplevel my DNA to be able to handle bigger and more miraculous breakthroughs.
I was sitting with a group of people that were drinking, smoking and complaining when I realized I felt GREAT. I had just got back from a run, was eating a huge salad and for the first time in 14 years, I just didn’t want to smoke. I wanted to feel my emotions. I wanted to move through my challenges with a clear mind, not stuff them down with the next hit of weed. I got up, walked away and haven’t went back since. I came home from that trip, grabbed my box of weed and bowls, and dumped them in the trash. I decided to start fresh.
Fast forward to today, I am celebrating 40 days clean of marijuana. I feel clear, alive and ready to take on the world. I can’t say honestly in 14 years have I ever actually been clean of the drug in my system. This is huge for me and I thought it was worth sharing. I thought if maybe you are on the edge that it will push you to take the leap and try out this whole sexy sober life! Because it is AWESOME!!!
Until next time unicorn goddesses,