When I was 17 years old, a picture of me masturbating made its way to thousands of people around the world. I had just signed up for Facebook and MySpace when my ex-boyfriend posted the explicit picture as my profile pictures and made 500 flyers with my first and last name plastered underneath the photo. I found out they were left at 711’s around town and at a party on the island. I received phone calls and texts from other states that they had seen the image.
I was completely mortified and vaguely remember the night amongst drinks, fights and sex.
I am bringing up this story now because of the recent events that have unfolded in my life. I am always digging to find what part of my childhood has traumatized my inner, curious, and innocent child. When we forgive our past, the child that was wounded growing up can be healed and in doing so, we can experience more playfulness, trust and spontaneity. We can experience WHOLENESS. We can figure out where our pattern began and get to the ROOT of what causes the behavior. We can rewire our brain and direct our focus towards what really matters, loving ourselves.
I love writing these articles because they literally set me free. Coming clean, exposing the truth and sharing from my heart is my only intention in life. And damn… does it feel good to live a life of authenticity and vulnerability.
The night started when,
I told my friend who I knew was hooking up with my ex-boyfriend that he had been hooking up with me too. My ego did this to start drama. I didn’t need to be hooking up with him and I didn’t need to be getting in the middle of their relationship. Because I shared this information with her, he decided to get revenge by posting this sensual photo of me.
I was completely mortified.
I got so drunk I ended up sleeping with my best friend’s ex-boyfriend. (UGH, sigh.)
I woke up with so much guilt and shame I could have died.
It was even worse when she found out.
Karma bit me in the ass. LESSON LEARNED, thanks Universe!
I remember I got really quiet and journaled through this experience. My inner guide led me to stand up for myself and tell the police about the photo. I knew back then that this was so incredibly wrong. I was not afraid to be the example. It led to him being arrested and put on probation for child pornography. My mom was able to speak her truth to him and more importantly, the guys in school stopped looking at me like some prostitute high school porn star.
Part of my ego even liked getting the attention from the boys because I so craved to be loved and worshipped by a REAL MAN. This complex is so real in the world today and makes me really sad. If only women knew how powerful they really are. That they can make $1k for a couple hours coaching instead of stripping or escorting for a night. That they can make money doing what they LOVE and stop flirting with guys at Hooters for a very small fee of $300 for 12 hours. (my past)
Ever since I was in 4th grade, I would get suspended for wearing clothes that were too revealing for the dress code. I had boobs by the time I was 9 and my period started shortly after. I even told my mom I was going to start my period the night before I actually did with no idea what it was going to be like. Because of this misunderstanding of expressing myself sexually, it led to one-night stands, settling in relationships, compromising my values for money, working in the porn industry, working in the escort industry, nude modeling, fettish modeling, AND WORST OF ALL, inability to connect and be intimate despite actually being with a MAN that wants to WORSHIP ME!!!
These experiences show me now how much my 9 year old self wish she had me NOW, at 28 to tell her:
YOUR SEXUALITY IS SACRED, UNIQUE AND POWERFUL.
THIS SEXUAL ENERGY CHANNELED TOWARDS LOVE AND HEALING WILL CHANGE THE WORLD.
ONLY A MAN WHO WORSHIPS THE GODDESS IS WORTHY OF YOUR LOVE.
I have been inviting in my childhood self, looking into her eyes and saying:
I forgive you.
I love you.
Without these lessons, I would not be who I am today. Sacred Sexuality is such a deep-rooted core value for me now and I am completely committed to working through these blocks. I am committed to helping women understand what is keeping them from their full power, creativity and PLEASURE! We deserve to RECEIVE the best of the best in EVERY aspect of life. RELATIONSHIPS, CAREER, MONEY, AND INSPIRATION!
If you are ready to transform, Apply for my GypSEA Goddess Mastermind that teaches you how to live an orgasmic life, travel the world and create a badass 6-figure coaching business.